Gassenhauer
Two for the price of two. A recommendation following a review.
First up, the review:
I’m not really a fan of Terrence Malick. I know a lot of people are, and I respect his body of work, but I tend to not entirely enjoy his movies. That being said, I’ve only seen three out of the (so far) publicly available five.
The first Malick film I saw was The Thin Red Line, and I wasn’t exactly bowled over. I loved the cutaway shots to nature ‘going about it’s business’, exhibiting the ultimate pointlessness of human beings waring with one another. However, the rest of it just felt like an unstructured, long, chaotic mess. I know people say that this is ‘supposed to be the point’, but it didn’t do the movie any favours either way.
Then I saw Tree of Life. Just as before; some good stuff, but more bad stuff. I went in distraught at the idea of watching what looked like a 139 minute long cinematography showreel. In the end the ‘birth of the universe’ sequences turned out to be my favourite part of the film. As I like my science, it was nice to see a filmic depiction of a rarely dramatised part of natural history. I could have watched that stuff for quite some time, albeit with maybe a bit of David Attenborough voiceover to help explain the details. Alas, however, Terrence was intent on bringing us back to Brad Pitts family. Snore!
So then, I think to myself; maybe Terrence Malick wasn’t so self-prostletising and swollen with his earlier films. Turns out I was right.
I watched Badlands, and I really liked it. It had a few interesting characters, a basic structure, and a shocking (yet entertaining) plot:
A dramatization of the Starkweather-Fugate killing spree of the 1950’s, in which a teenage girl and her twenty-something boyfriend slaughtered her entire family and several others in the Dakota badlands.
– Imdb
Vigilanteism, fugitive lovers, violence, and it’s all “based on a true story”. It’s a proper film. One of those movies that Malick lovers and haters alike can enjoy. Good shit!
Malick himself even has a cameo.
It’s not entirely free of “Malickisms” by any means, but they’re the ones I like. For example; the callousness of the main characters. Their entirely practical-based view of their own actions is chilling and the excuses they make for themselves are scary to listen to. Malick seems to have decided that the sort of people who can go on a killing spree like this must be void of moral self-reflection and see themselves as victims of the world. There’s also a large ego involved, evident by some of the things that Martin Sheen’s character says. I think it’s a fantastic film that makes you think about the potential in other people and the power of emotions. The delusions of love can kill.
Alright, that’s the review over. Now, a genetically related recommendation:
Want to know what a movie like Badlands would be like if it was rewritten by Quentin Tarantino? Well there are two movies out there which were exactly that, Natural Born Killers and True Romance. Natural Born Killers is crap, so I’m not gonna waste my time with it. Instead I’m gonna focus all my attention on getting you to watch True Romance.
Plot as follows:
Clarence marries a hooker named Alabama, steals cocaine from her pimp, and tries to sell it in Hollywood, while the owners of the coke try to reclaim it.
– Imdb
So it’s a twisted, largely altered, remake of Badlands. The core concept of a fleeing couple in love stays intact, but in this version the main characters are not ruthless killers. Instead they have to outrun and avoid all the people trying to kill them. It’s directed by Tony Scott (of Top Gun, Crimson Tide, and Man on Fire), and if that doesn’t impress you – just look at the cast:
Come on, all those people together in the same movie? Admit it, it makes your nipples hard.
In fact, it’s such an amazing mix of ingredients that I think it’s actually a better movie than Badlands. Badlands was great, True Romance is greater. It’s a flashy, fun, ninety’s hit n’ run. Every time you think the movie can’t get better, it does. This is the closest thing to a romantic movie Quentin Tarantino has ever written, with all manner of blood, bullets, and love.
True Romance (1993) trailer
Go watch it with your girlfriend, boyfriend, hermaphroditefriend, whatever. Get cozy, cause this is a movie to snuggle to.
By the way; if you’re confused about the title of this post, try ‘youtube’ing it and then watching both films. You’ll see how it all fits together.
– Rant Over!
Fangarang
I’m bored of reviews, I’m bored of recommendations…for now. Let’s do something a bit more extravagant. In fact, let’s do a list.
But a list about what? Hmm. I want it to be something people can learn from, a teaching tool for the next generation. What does this generation like? Oh I know…vampires!
So I’m not going to harp on too long about the Twilight movies. They’re awful! You know they’re awful, I know they’re awful, let’s just agree to agree with me…for ever and for all time. Now, I’m actually not a big fan of vampire films in general, I’m more of a zombie devotee. Still, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have my favourites. So, let’s go through them. I hope all you 14 year old girls out there are paying attention, cause you’re about to learn summin’.
I should say, right off the bat, that I’m not going to be listing “golden oldies” like Nosferatu. I agree that these movies are the classic foundations on which the vampire and horror genres were built. Don’t think that I don’t appreciate these movies, I certainly do. However, the vampire films that I truly enjoy are far more trashy. What some of them lack in substance they more than make up for in style. So let’s start at the bottom…
“A vampire tells his epic life story: love, betrayal, loneliness, and hunger.”
– Imdb
I know a lot of people would put this as their number one, but I’m afraid I just don’t feel that way about it. There are too many flaws in this film for that. It’s very long, too slow, and very overdone. Now, I’m not usually someone who’s put off by corny performances, but there’s something about the acting in this movie that just irks me. I can’t get with it. The actors just look like they’re in a school play, displaying fake teeth and even faker accents. So why is this even in my top ten?
Well, the core idea of the film is a good one. A vampire formulating his own autobiography is an alluring concept. The movie also taps into one of the more interesting aspects of vampirism; immortality. What happens when you live a bicentennial life? What toll does it take on your sanity? I recommend the movie, but with several warnings. It may not be entirely to your liking, as it’s only just halfway towards mine.
“After an Alaskan town is plunged into darkness for a month, it is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires.”
– Imdb
Remember how I talked about style over substance? Well, here is a perfect example. This movie has an interesting, yet short lived premise, but jesus it’s fun to watch!
Nihilistic to say the least, this film never lets up. It just gets darker and more hardcore as it goes on. The point at which creepy vampire children are fought off with axes, is when you realise you’re watching something totally badass. How’s that for an endorsement? “Totally badass!”, they should put it on the poster.
“A half-vampire, half-mortal man becomes a protector of the mortal race, while slaying evil vampires.”
– Imdb
Much like Interview With The Vampire, there are a lot of things wrong with Blade. I’m not going to pretend like it’s that great of a film. In fact there are some sections of it that are outright bad, but this is subsequently balanced out. There is one thing this movie has that surpasses every other vampire movie ever made. What is it?
The first…five…minutes.
The opening scene of this movie is unsurmountable. No vampire film has ever come close to it, including the entire rest of this list. The following 20 minutes or so are very good, and the last hour and a half are not so great. Basically it deteriorates as it goes on and the ending is super-stupid. Still, that beginning is so crucially awesome that I’ve taken the liberty of providing you with an HD youtube link. Don’t get me wrong, I still think you should watch the rest of the movie. Who knows, you may like it. But for now, enjoy:
Now that’s how you introduce vampires, Stephenie Meyer!
“A teenager suspects that his new neighbor is a vampire.”
– Imdb
I had mixed feelings about the upcoming remake of Fright Night. With the knowledge that it was being crafted as another in a long series of Twilight-fan appeasement films, I knew the results could be disastrous. That’s why I was so pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a a lot of fun. Although it was clearly green lit by the producers with the intent to capitalise on the “vampire craze”, the filmmakers themselves knew exactly what they had to do in order to distance it from that phenomenon. They gave their film a unique look, setting, and characterisation. It really does set itself apart from a lot of modern vampire film by virtue of the fact that it’s splashy. The gore begins to pile on about halfway through the film and doesn’t let up. Add to that a bit of David Tennant, a failure at the box office, and you have all the ingredients for a cult hit (just like the original was).
“A young man reluctantly joins a travelling “family” of evil vampires, when the girl he’d tried to seduce is part of that group.”
– Imdb
There’s something quite unique about Near Dark. It has that 1980’s ripped leather Terminator look, mixed with a wide open rural landscape. Its oddball characters also give it a special charm, featuring vampires that are having to make-do with their cursed lives. We see them taping up windows and stowing away in a camper van during the day. It even features a Twilight-esque love story. Oh, no wait, it’s not Twilight-esque…because it’s not lame. Sorry, I said I wouldn’t harp on about Twilight.I guess I just can’t help myself.
All the cast give fine performances and the effects are rich in 80’s gloss. Love it or hate it, Near Dark certainly stays with you, and for that it deserves the number six spot.
“An aging antique dealer named Jesus Gris happens upon an elegant mechanized scarab. When opened, it painfully stabs whomever is holding it, but the wound brings youthful vigor and a vampire’s need for blood.”
– Imdb
The packaging might be plain, but the film isn’t.
It is particularly noteworthy for its intentional 180° turn on the entire sub-theme of vampirism. For those who are unaware; vampirism is a metaphor for sexual lust. Always has been, always will be. The desire to “defile” your lover (usually a beautiful pure woman) for your own self satisfaction, and the possibility of that completely corrupting her very existence, lives at the heart of the vampire’s story. In this film, however, it does not. Guillermo Del Toro set out to create a vampire film with no sexual undertones whatsoever. It’s an interesting idea, and made for an incredibly beautiful movie.
I’m sure most of you who have heard of this movie will be sick of listening to how genius it is. I’m afraid I won’t be challenging that notion, it is pretty fuckin’ good.
What’s so good about it? It’s scandinavian. That might sound like a bizarre compliment, but it lends a special atmosphere to the film. Dark skies and white snow bring you into the simplistic turmoil the main character is feeling.
There’s a remake called Let Me In. Don’t watch it, it’s terrible, just typical American corporate crap, capitalising on the creativity of European artists and the english-speaking publics refusal to read subtitles.
This may seem like cheating, but both Fright Night movies really are good enough to make the grade. The remake was great, but the 1985 original is still better. It’s not even limited to being a vampire movie, since it features zombies and werewolves as well. that’s exactly what I love about it; it just wants you to have fun. Ripe with 80’s gore, it’s a feast for you bloodhounds out there…if you can deal with some of the cheesy line deliveries.
“Blade forms an uneasy alliance with the vampire council in order to combat the Reaper vampires who feed on regular vampires.”
– Imdb
Remember, at the beginning of this list, how I talked about Blade? Well, there’s a sequel, and it’s astonishing! Who made it? Who else but; Guillermo Del Toro.
The Blade movies are based on comic books, so the visual style tends to emulates that. The original Blade went for a more noir look. Guillermo decided to brighten this one up, add more colours and lights. I have to admit, I prefer the style of the first film, but this one has a much better story. Vampires fighting vampires, and a ‘daywalker’ caught in the middle? Love it. The best thing, however is the production design. That’s no surprise, coming from Del Toro, but I honestly think Blade 2 is one of his best designed film. Bone-crunching action and gut-spilling bloodshed, it’s a blast.
“Two criminals and their hostages unknowingly seek temporary refuge in an establishment populated by vampires, with chaotic results.”
– Imdb
And there it is! The best vampire movie ever made. Written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Robert Rodrigues, it’s the perfect combination of elements. Tongue in cheek humour, crime, sex, cops, robbers, strippers, George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Salma Hayek, Cheech Marin, and Danny fuckin’ Trejo – what’s not to like? To say this movie doesn’t take itself seriously is the world’s biggest understatement. It doesn’t give a shit about you either, it just powers through!
A lot of people have noted that the structure of this film suggests a halfway-point copout. The movie starts with two brothers-in-crime fleeing the country into Mexico, and then 45 minutes into the film it randomly becomes a vampire flick. Ok, I can see why it looks like Quentin Tarantino just ran out of ideas and decided to completely change the narrative. But, isn’t it great to see a film that effectively gives you two movies wrapped into one plot? The point at which one plot strand begins to turn stale, a fresh one blooms. As with most of these films, the effects are astounding. The vampires have a unique look, reminiscent of the deadites from The Evil Dead, and are just plain freaky to look at. The creativity and sense of play is right there, on screen, the entire time. No other vampire film will give you the shrieks of delight that this one does.
Alright, that’s a pretty solid list, if I do say so myself. If you feel the need for a vampire fix, go through it and pick one that takes your fancy. It’s my gift to you, aren’t I nice? Naww.
– Rant Over
Unleashing the beast
POP QUIZ! Who is this?
If you don’t know, shame on you. You may not recognise his face, but you’ll definitely recognise his resume’.
That’s right, it’s…
Stan Winston was an incredible makeup artist and special effects supervisor who is best known for his exceptional work on creature features. In the twilight years between practical effects superiority and CGI purity we saw several unforgettable Stan Winston creations, like the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park, that moved and breathed like living animals. Unbelievably lifelike and beautiful, they helped create some of monster-movies most memorable moments.
But there was a little known third vocation that Stan Winston embarked on. He was also… a director.
Since he directed movies like “A Gnome named Gnorm“, I can understand why thousands of projects didn’t flutter his way and no audience took him seriously at the time. But there was a golden nugget born amidst the fires of failure, and it was called:
This movie is glorious! I mean it, it’s so well made. Premise as follows:
“A man conjures up a gigantic vengeance demon called Pumpkinhead to destroy the teenagers who accidentally killed his son.”
– Imdb
Precise, simple, and promising, Pumpkinhead delivers everything you could want from 80’s fantasy horror . It’s more than just a supernatural slasher. It dissects the consequences of revenge and discusses personal accountability. How much easier is it to order an assassination than it is to be an assassin? Does being one step removed from the process liberate you from the guilt and responsibility of your own actions, leading to de-sensitivity and deeper corruption? In that way the film speaks to an even broader phenomenon which plagues humanity and manifests itself routinely throughout history; the lack of personal involvement. Imagine how much less willing politicians would be to go to war if they themselves had to join up. Disassociation is a dangerous force that can…
…oh sorry, back to Pumpkinhead.
Even without the symbolic and thematic nature of the film, it’s just a gorgeous watch! The rich colour saturation is amazing, contrasting cold crepuscular blues with safe warm reds. Combine that with thick chunky smoke and blizzard-like winds, and you’ve got an atmosphere to die for (literally). Talk about mise-en-scène! And of course, the heart and soul of the piece is Pumpkinhead himself.
Or should it be “itself”, seeing as it’s a genderless demon resurrected from the corpse of an abandoned child?
Either way, Pumpkinhead is one of Winstons finest creations. Skeletorial in nature, it displays a sense of reptile-like nimbleness which would certainly scare the hell out of me. I sure wouldn’t want this thing on my tail. You may think the name is strange, but seeing as the creature has a child-like fable surrounding it…it kinda works. That setup reminds me a bit of The Tommyknockers, although much better crafted. The saying goes:
Keep away from Pumpkinhead,
Unless you’re tired of living,
His enemies are mostly dead,
He’s mean and unforgiving,
Laugh at him and you’re undone,
But in some dreadful fashion,
Vengeance, he considers fun,
And plans it with a passion,
Time will not erase or blot,
A plot that he has brewing,
It’s when you think that he’s forgot,
He’ll conjure your undoing,
Bolted doors and windows barred,
Guard dogs prowling in the yard,
Won’t protect you in your bed,
Nothing will, from Pumpkinhead.
Pumpkinhead (1988) trailer
Alright, now for the sad part. Notice how I framed a lot of Stan Winston’s praise in past tense. Well, that’s because he died in 2008, after seven years of battling multiple myeloma.
I know, I know, “He was no Steve Jobs” right? No he wasn’t, he was better. I would happily trade my Ipod for another film as good as Pumpkinhead.
What? Would I give up my Macbook? Oh, look over there! A butterfly…
But seriously, this man was a force of nature. Think of the childhood memories he helped to create for our generation. I bet all of you can find at least one movie on the list above that means the world to you. So, give something back. Honour his memory by renting or buying Pumpkinhead (aka Vengeance – The Demon). At the very least download it, watch it, and recommend it to someone else. Even if you can’t see beyond the surface of it, you can still enjoy the surface itself. Grab a bucket of popcorn, turn off the lights, and relish in the imaginative awesomeness that is – Stan Winston!
Rant Over!
The good ol’ papers
Obviously this is not a new release, unless I’ve woken up in 1976. If I have woken up in 1976, allow me to invent the internet so I can speak to you all.
…there. You may erect a statue of me in your own time, preferably next to a some sort of breathtaking scenic view. Also, I want to be on the money. I don’t mean “on the money”, I’m always ‘on the money’, I mean I literally want my face printed on the money. Any money, I don’t care. What’s that, inventing the internet isn’t important enough to be on the money? How about being the first time traveller, is that significant? Jesus, 1976 is a tough crowd to please, but I digress…
So, a week ago I was pointed in the direction of All the President’s Men. I was assured that it was not just a good film, nor a great film, but a perfect film. Apparently everything about this movie is meant to be flawless, from the lighting to the performances and beyond. Well, I’m afraid I don’t agree with that estimation, but I do think it’s good.
All The President’s Men tells the story of investigative journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, played by Redford and Hoffman. As they report on a recent break in at a government building, they begin to uncover the notorious Watergate scandal.
The best thing about the movie is the atmosphere. You really get the feeling of what it’s like to be a reporter. The stress, the sacrifices, and the thrill of the hunt is all detailed. The first half of the film has you asking yourself why people even do this job, and the other half gives you the answer. The ability to change the world by uncovering corruption is an important and privileged position with a lot of responsibility baked into the cake. Some people just love it, and our lives are all better because of it. That’s not to say that journalism is incorruptible, far from it, but here we have a glaring example of what a pure, honest , moral media can accomplish.
I warn you, however; do not expect an action adventure. The ups and downs of this story take place in typewriters and on telephones. It’s about the construction of a case with enough power to remove the most influential man in the country, but still there are no car chases. This is a tale of mounting pressure and bending loyalty. In fact it’s fairly complicated in parts, so make sure you pay attention. Much like in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy mannerisms are key. Watch closely, listen intently, follow the trail, hear the account, and enjoy a wonderful classic.
Rant Over!
Cinema Rant 